Get Your Head Back in the Game!

Get Your Head Back in the Game!

 

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Image courtesy of ddpavumba at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Have you ever felt clouded? Unfocused? Overwhelmed? Unsure of your next step? Unsure how to connect with your audience? Do you wonder where your audience is hanging out and whether they actually want what you have to offer?

If you are nodding your head or saying “DUHHHHHH!!!”then, my friend, you are not alone. I feel this way at least once a week. This is the life of a solo entrepreneur and Online Marketer.

My mind gets tangled and stuck on meaningless “STUFF.”  Sometimes it’s like a record (who remembers those?!)or a CD that is scratched and starts to repeat the same lyrics over and over again. I sometimes feel the gremlins in my head are stuck in a loop and telling me the nastiest and craziest things. My favorite one is, “You’re not good enough!” I’m sure you can relate. Why am I letting you in to my dark little world of gremlins? Well, it’s because I want you to know first and foremost you are not alone. We all have gremlins to battle!

Next, I want you to know that you cannot just easily ignore your gremlins. I actually have made friends with mine in a way. The power our negative thoughts have is twofold: 1) We assume they are real and happening now. 2) We try to ignore them giving them the power to bother us and never confront them head on.  So what’s a girl to do? My suggestion is to accept that we have negative thoughts and that at times we will get depressed, distraught, overwhelmed and may want to quit. This does not make us less powerful. Instead, it makes us human.

Many moms, especially Mompreneurs, and all entrepreneurs think we have be supermom, superwife, superbusinesswoman, etc, etc. That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself! And even though I know you are a super person, you are still human. Embrace your “humanness,” and cut yourself some slack. So, the next time those gremlins rear their ugly heads (and they will!) you can just politely say, “Thank you for sharing!” and move on. You know what has to get done. So make shit happen TODAY and every day.

But, if you find yourself with some big and nasty gremlins that won’t take no for an answer – CALL ME! Please reach out! If the negative thoughts are getting to you, don’t keep them to yourself. Connect with me or someone else you trust to talk you through whatever is going on so you can release those pesky gremlins, get back in the game, and keep moving on.

I hope you enjoyed this blog post. Please follow me on Facebook and Share you Comments BELOW. Stay Tuned for more great things to come.

With Love,

Ariana Fernandez

Certified Master Coach

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArianafernandezCoach

Twitter: https://twitter.com/ArianaCoaching

Set up an 30 Min Discovery Call: http://www.vcita.com/v/c8b2edfa/online_scheduling

“I am so stressed out!!” Coping with Stress for Relationship HEALTH and Physical Health, 5 Tips to Cope

stress  picture

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://londoncheckinreport.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/StressFree1.jpg

“Life is journey not a destination”, “Life is a marathon not a sprint”, “Shit Happens”, “Life sucks and then we die”, these are all common phrases about life. I am really tired of all these clichés and “helpful” inspirational statements people tell you to help you get over difficult times in life. While they are neither true nor false, they don’t help. NEWS FLASH-the Human Condition can be difficult at times. We have big brains that have created many things in our life to “help” or be “convenient”, however, they just make it harder sometimes. Oh for the simple life of our ancestors the primates EAT, LOVE, FIGHT, SLEEP, and REPEAT! Of course I don’t really wish we were primates,  but I do sometimes wish for simpler times: when we weren’t attached to our cell phones and families had more togetherness and people just cared more for strangers.

 

Ari what in the world does any of this have to do with LOVE and relationships you ask mystery reader? Well I am so glad you asked. Well Mystery reader this is really about STRESS. Modern Society has its good and bad aspects and with everything we HAVE we also get a heavy dose of Stress. Previous generations also had stress just in different forms.

Below you can find my simple cycle of stress:

Stress cycle

This cycle for some can be a never ending loop of their life that ends only with the person’s death. I know that is morbid and unfortunately the truth. Well this cycle does not have to continue it can be halted and a new course forged to break the cycle.

coping

The above graphic is one way to break the cycle. We only need to change the way we deal with stress to break the cycle. FYI: ALL relationships will be TESTED at one point or another with some type of stressor. Some people have them happen almost daily and some people only notice them when it is a big life event. While a blissful event, having a child cause stress and people deal with this differently.


Tips for success take the coping skills assessment. Stress Style Assessment (assessment provided by C-Health website)

Find out your coping Style, Your partners coping Style

How can you understand each other to not let stress not ruin your life or your relationship?

5 TIPS to Cope with Stress and Stress Styles mismatch:

  1.    First take the assessment be honest with how you and your partner really cope with stress.   
  2.    Find ways to understand each other’s style and what can you see about your style is hurting you’re hurting you relationship: own up to you part. The only person you can control or change is yourself.
  3.     HAVE some FUN! Find health ways to cope with stress. Create a new stress reducer- Walk on the beach, Go biking, Go for a walk outside, Go to out to dinner, Visit Friends or have friends over, Make a Game Night, Start a club, read a book, Meditate, Exercise, Call a family member or friend. Whatever is your healthy way to cope with stress and BONUS can be a partner connection TIME.
  4.      Write in a journal what you stressors were that day for a week.  Each week look at the list and see where you have patterns and look for ways to eliminate or adjust these stressors. Take on an extended challenge and make it a month of journaling- Change your mindset.
  5.     TAKE IT LIGHT!! Laugh, LOVE, LIVE. Life is too long to spend it stressed out all the time. ENJOY some FUN AGAIN!!

Why oh why did I become an Entrepreneur?

busy-person

My work from home journey started as a fluke by that I mean I didn’t actually go looking for it. A virtual training job fell in my lap after a year of unemployment and working one temp job after another. My “fluke” lasted three years and turned out to be very lucrative (except the TAX hit I took, don’t forget to save for taxes if you work as 1099 employee). As that job started to slow down and I got increasingly bored, I started to do what most people do in that situation and look for a new job.

I started looking in my field of corporate training. I got interviews. I went into them like everything I do, seriously and with full force. Everyone always likes me and is impressed with my education, background and diverse job experience. BUT, I never got the JOB. My little voice wanted to go negative and think WOW what is wrong with me but, instead I started to reflect on my experiences. As I reflected on this something kept feeling off for me about these interviews and these prospects. I realized the Universe was giving me a signal and that I never really wanted to go back to a corporate job in the first place. It is just all I had known. I started to make a shift in mindset.

I had gotten my Coach Certification in 2011 and Master Coach Certification 2012. I wasn’t doing much with it except dreaming about being a coach for a living. In my mind I needed to make money and I had no clue how to do that outside a corporate job and/or a job with someone else’s company. I toyed with owning my business but, I didn’t really buy it as a real possibility yet. I had gotten a taste for the work from home life from my virtual training job. I started to think about what kind of life I wanted and how I wanted to use my talents to contribute to people’s lives. I found it really hard to give up picking up my daughter from school.

Ariana R. Fernandez  and Chloe

I noticed my favorite part of the day was when I would pick her up and she would hide my cell phone (for real), turn off the radio and she would talk to me non-stop about her day. Being a pre-teen girl I would get caught up on the all the gossip and mean girl antics at school. Many, “mom can you believe she did that!” or “Boys are so dumb” LOL. She also begrudging talked to me about teachers and homework. But this is our alone time with no one around. I started to take this for granted and when I realized I might miss out on that if I went back to a 9-5 job that sealed it for me. I was going to take Sh*^ seriously.

I didn’t become and an entrepreneur to strike it rich, nor to be famous. Though a little money would be really nice! I did it to call my own shots and be able enjoy the simple moments with my daughter I missed years before. To be able to schedule Dr. appts at 10am and not hear crap from a boss about making up hours. I did it to have control over the money I make. I did it so Chloe my daughter knows that you, me, HER, can do anything if you really make Sh*& happen and find your purpose and passion. As well as that a women can have control of their own destiny. I am blessed with a supportive husband and loving parents for extra support. Owning my own business has been the hardest thing I have done since Childbirth. And I will not trade it for anything.

That is my reasons why? What are yours? I would love to hear them.

On this journey the reason I have not given up is because I have not done it alone. I have had several coaches, consultants, brand managers, group programs and lots of education. I feel like the more you invest in yourself and your business the more you can grow and faster. I finally found a group and coach that have taken me beyond what I thought I could do and I am still at the tip of the iceberg. I will be doing a free Teleclass with some great tips to Become a Master closer on 8/6 at 7:30pm. 3 Steps to add to your bag of tricks that will take through the end of summer and starting a Fall in great place with new clients and more money. Let me be a support to help you realize your Entrepreneurship dreams.

Click here to sign up and claim your spot. Invest in yourself and see your business grow. I look forward to sharing more with you shortly. LIKE My FACEBOOK PAGE and get a Free Audio Gift “The 7 things you may be doing that are costing you the Sale.”  Like on FB

Happy Selling,

Ari

How to get your spouse to give you love & support when starting your business!

Interview with Vanessa Bello-Hayden, www.blissmentoring.com


Have you ever thought if my spouse would just be more supportive I could do everything I want to do?

Well me too, you are not alone. I have been hearing this concern a lot lately. Married female entrepreneurs just starting out are saying that they don’t know how to deal with the fact that their spouse’s aren’t supportive. They their partners are really concerned about finances and want to be shown a solid and viable business plan before they will “sign-off” on their spouse’s new project or business.

First it is important to know that support means something different for everyone… for you it may be financial support, others it might be help with children and household, yet others it about faith or belief in following our dreams. Figure out, what type of support you really want? Ask yourself, what is my endgame?  Men are very literal creatures and generally what they say is what they mean. Be clear on your motives and intentions for requesting their support.

Make sure you also know that when you ask a man a question they will likely give you answer; which is not always what we want or need.

So, how do you deal with just needing to vent or have a sounding board, well my dear, you ask for it? You say I just need to vent. Or I just need to talk about it, please just listen. If that doesn’t work get a coach or business sister and vent to them.

1) Do not expect a man to automatically be ready to accept your new profession if it will include changes in your life.

2) Do keep going even they “Don’t get it” at the beginning. With communication and time I am sure they will come around. Those are a few of what I learned from my journey and studies.

As Women we support first and ask later. We expect our spouse to be the same. They are not and thank goodness for that. If you have been shaking you head at any of this let me tell you are not alone. Please enjoy the interview below for support from one of my business friends.

 I had the pleasure of interviewing a fellow mompreneur, who like me is blessed with a supportive spouse. Neither of our husband’s completely “came that way”. Enjoy this interview, rich with tips and suggestions for you, in your journey.

Interview with Vanessa Bello-Hayden, Mentor and Coach at www.blissmentoring.com

 

Tell me a little about yourself?

I am Vanessa Bello-Hayden, mentor and coach, married to Greg for 16-years. We have 4-kids (ages 13,11,7,6). I have started 6 different home based businesses (some more successful than others).

Currently, I run 3 businesses from my home while working full time at a National HealthCare Organization. Bliss Mentoring my newest business venture and my ticket out of corporate forever!

 How did you find this supportive man? Did he come this way?

I met my husband when I was in college in Washington D.C.; I am a very driven, self-diagnosed type A personality. I was going to be lawyer and work in Washington. When we were dating Greg said I just want to have a family and settle down.  Most people would call us opposites and in our case opposites do really attract. What did we share are core values and we fell in love. NO, he wasn’t always so supportive. And some of it is just who he is. We have had to negotiate a lot, communicate and get through a lot rough stuff together while raising 4 kids. It wasn’t always easy but, I will tell you my husband allows me to do what I want to do and be me, he says go for the stars. We accept each other exactly as we are.

What is something your husband does that allows you the room to soar?

He listens- doesn’t try to help, just listens. He knows from time and experience that I just need to vent sometimes. He doesn’t always try to fix everything for me. He did that a lot before and then overtime, I communicated what I needed and he has been great at listening to me. He is my rock and foundation. I would not be able to go out there in life and soar without him. My husband is my very first accountability partner he calls me out on my BS and when I try to change things or  not go forward.

What do you want to share with women who struggle getting support for their new businesses?

First it is very important that balance is created meaning- when you’re at home, take care of home things; when you are at work, and take care of work things. It is really awesome to have a partner at home and have a partner in business so; it all gets done a little easier. Some things you need in your relationship: Communication, asking for what you want, continuous dialog about it, and take time out for catch up sessions with spouse as well as Trust and negotiations. Some things are not negotiable: There will always be love, family, and children come first. Missing kids events is no longer negotiable and nor is taking spouse for granted.

What are your 3 best tips for new entrepreneurs and their spouses?

Time- Can’t force support, give it time

Love – Remember you GUYS LOVE each other and have to show and have love

Tenderness-Be gentle with each other’s fears and feelings, keep communicating

 

What can female entrepreneurs/mompreneurs, DO if they don’t have support?

  1.         Know your compelling WHY? For your business à Share with your spouse
  2.          Don’t forget to tell him what you’re up to
  3.         Don’t expect immediate buy in

Any last thoughts?

It takes a special kind of man to release the reigns and let a women be successful. Men feel fear of the unknown, which might come along and change things. Bring compassion and understanding. They are afraid also. I can’t stand in the light without you beside me- make sure your husband knows this.  In the end it all boils down to trust and respect.

                As you can see my interview with Vanessa was amazing. I felt like I was talking to myself with more years’ experience in her marriage. There is not much I can say after all the wonderful things Vanessa shared with you. Big thanks to Vanessa Bello-Hayden for talking with me on this subject. BIG Thanks to her Hubby Greg and the 4 children for letting Vanessa be, VANESSA!

Final thoughts- You need to be clear with yourself before you can share with your spouse. Also REALLY REALLY BIG- YOU Don’t NEED his support to get started. You can still move forward while he is accessing and analyzing the situation, he will eventually come around. Stay in communication with him. Don’t hide. HAVE CONFIDENCE in yourself and surround yourself with supportive business friends. Feel free to post comments and questions. You can also post your thoughts on Facebook .

With Love,

Ari

Communication versus Conversation: Do we know the difference?

Photocredit: www.techi.com

This topic has been discussed ad nauseum in some circles: Communication and how to have better communication. What makes me laugh is that when you ask people if they are good communicators they always say “YES, I think so.”

Well Mr. or Ms. Good Communicator I am here to burst your bubble and tell you the answer is probably NO! Most people say Yes not because they are liars but maybe because our definition of a good communicator is at a very low standard. I think most people believe that good communication is listening to others and responding to them when they speak. Or being able to hold a conversation and have something to say. This makes you a good conversationalist but not necessarily a good communicator.

I am an awesome conversationalist…any of my friends and family can tell you this is true; not only because I talk a lot, which I do, but I also am knowledgeable about many topics and can pretty much hold my own except with a Physicist or a Nuclear Engineer or some such thing. Otherwise I have a whole lot of useless and useful information to share in a conversation. I will share it whether you like it or not! LOL Just kidding.

Photocredit: www.nature.com
I wasn’t always the best Communicator though, which those closest to me can also agree on. I used many bad communication tactics such as sarcasm (which I still love, but I use my powers for good not evil anymore), being hurt or offended by everything someone says to me, turning the tables, and trying to be right all the time or prove a point. I was also usually only half listening and was already coming up with my next 3 points or sentences I wanted to say to get my point across.
These tactics made it hard for some people to ever want to have conversations with me, and if you use them too it might be why you feel people aren’t listening… because they probably are not. Or they walk on eggshells around you to not arouse the dragon… oops that was me, not you sorry! (but maybe that is you too!)

Also, a previous significant other just stopped communicating with me because the outcome was always the same: I ended up always playing the victim card and we never got anywhere so he just didn’t speak. And I made that happen. I can own that now because I know there is a better way to live and communicate that does not include those tactics.

Now, am I human? Do I sometimes resort to bad communication? Ask my husband and he will tell you YES, of course she still does those things occasionally, but in general we have good communication between us and I am always looking for ways to make it better and to own my part in any failure to communicate. Also I always own to my slip ups and apologize on the spot (hopefully).

Here are some steps you can start using today from a great article I read recently from a website I love called PsychCentral. The article 9 Steps to Better Communication Today was written by John M. Grohol, PSYD.

The 9 steps are:

  1. Stop and Listen
  2. Force yourself to Hear
  3. Be open and Honest with your partner
  4. Pay attention to Non-Verbal signals
  5. Stay focused in the here and now
  6. Try to minimize emotion when talking about important, big decisions
  7. Be ready to cede an argument.
  8. Humor and Playfulness usually help
  9. Communication is more than just talking

See link below to read the complete article:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/all/1/

These are steps that if you incorporate them today you can be on the road to being able to answer truthfully “Yes, I am a good communicator!” if you are asked.